Divorce & Separation
Divorce is an ending. It is also a beginning.
Let’s start with the plain version. Divorce is the legal process that ends a marriage. Separation is living apart, with or without a court order that sets the rules while you do. One closes the book. The other holds your place in it.
Simple enough on paper. But if you’re reading this page, you already know the paper is the easy part. The hard part is everything the paper touches. Your kids. Your house. Your retirement. Your business. Your Tuesday nights. Divorce is one of the biggest transitions a person can walk through, and the decisions you make in the first ninety days tend to echo for years.
So here’s our promise for the next few minutes: no scare tactics, no legal jargon dumped on you like a cold bucket, no sales pitch. Just a clear map of the terrain, because you can’t make good decisions about ground you’ve never seen.
What is the difference between divorce and legal separation?
Divorce legally dissolves the marriage. When it’s final, you’re single. Property has been divided, support has been set, and if you have children, custody and parenting time have been ordered.
Legal separation resolves most of those same issues, but the marriage itself stays intact. Couples choose it for all kinds of reasons: health insurance, religious convictions, military benefits, or simply because they aren’t sure yet. It’s a real legal status with real consequences, not just “taking a break.” The rules vary meaningfully by state, so this is one of the first things to sort out with counsel. We go deeper on our Legal Separation page.
Why people call a divorce lawyer before they’re “sure”
Here’s something we see all the time. People wait to call an attorney until they’ve decided to divorce, as if the call itself is the decision. It isn’t. Most of the people who sit down with us are still weighing it.
They call because the financial picture stopped making sense. Because a spouse mentioned divorce first and they felt flat-footed. Because they own a business and can’t tell what a divorce would do to it. Because they’re worried about the kids, or the house, or a retirement account that took thirty years to build. Because something changed and they want to understand their options before they need them.
That’s the right instinct. Talking to a lawyer doesn’t start a divorce. It just means that if one starts, you won’t be learning the rules mid-game.
Contested vs. uncontested divorce: what’s the difference?
An uncontested divorce means you and your spouse agree on all the major issues: property, debts, support, and the kids. The court’s job is mostly to review and approve. It’s faster, cheaper, and more private.
A contested divorce means you disagree on at least one issue that matters. Maybe it’s one issue. Maybe it’s everything. Contested doesn’t automatically mean a courtroom brawl. Most contested cases still settle through negotiation or mediation. It just means the outcome has to be worked out rather than written down.
Which one is yours? Honestly, you may not know yet. Plenty of divorces start out looking agreeable and hit a wall at the business valuation or the holiday schedule. And some that start hot cool off once both sides see the actual numbers. We cover both paths in detail on our Uncontested Divorce and Contested Divorce pages.
How does property division work in a divorce?
Every state we practice in divides property “equitably.” Note the word. Equitable means fair, not automatically fifty-fifty. Courts look at the length of the marriage, what each spouse contributed, what each spouse will need going forward, and how the property was acquired.
The real work is usually in three questions that come before any split:
What exists? Bank accounts, real estate, retirement plans, business interests, stock compensation, debts. All of it has to be on the table before anything can be divided intelligently.
What is marital and what is separate? Property acquired during the marriage is generally marital. Property you brought in, inherited, or received as a gift may be separate. May be. Separate property has a habit of getting commingled over twenty years of marriage, and the line can get blurry fast.
What is it worth? A house has a market. A pension, a law practice, or a block of unvested stock does not, at least not an obvious one. Valuation is where a lot of divorces are quietly won or lost.
State law drives all three answers, sometimes in surprisingly different directions. That’s why our state pages exist.
What happens with the kids?
Custody and parenting time are their own world, big enough that we built a separate section for them. The short version: courts decide based on the best interests of the child, parents who can agree keep control of the outcome, and the details live in a parenting plan that has to work on a normal Wednesday, not just in a courtroom.
If children are part of your picture, spend real time on our Child Custody & Support section. It’s the part of the case you’ll live with longest.
Spousal maintenance, alimony, and child support
Three terms, two ideas.
Child support is money for the kids. Every state calculates it with guidelines built on income, the parenting schedule, insurance, and childcare. It’s formula-driven, though “income” can be a genuinely contested question when someone is self-employed or paid in more than a salary.
Spousal maintenance, which some states still call alimony, is support for a spouse. It’s far less formulaic. Length of the marriage, each spouse’s earning capacity, the lifestyle the marriage supported, who stayed home and who built the career: it all comes in. Some states use advisory formulas. Others leave it almost entirely to the judge. This is one of the areas where crossing a state line changes the answer the most.
Do you have to go to court?
Usually not for a trial. Most divorces, even contested ones, resolve through negotiation or mediation. Mediation puts a neutral in the room to help you and your spouse reach your own agreement instead of handing the decision to a judge. Done at the right time, with the right preparation, it’s often the fastest way to a durable outcome. Done too early, before the financial picture is clear, it’s guesswork with a signature line. We cover when it works and when it doesn’t in our Mediation section.
What to expect: the divorce process, step by step
Every case is different, but the road has familiar mile markers.
Getting organized
Before anything is filed, you gather the picture: assets, debts, income, records, priorities. The cases that go badly are usually the ones where someone negotiated around guesses.
Filing
One spouse files a petition; the other responds. This sets the court, the state law that applies, and the clock.
Temporary orders
Who stays in the house, who pays which bills, where the kids sleep while the case is pending. Temporary arrangements have a way of becoming the template, so they deserve more attention than they usually get.
Financial disclosure and discovery
Both sides exchange financial information. In straightforward cases this is quick. When there’s a business, complicated compensation, or someone playing hide-the-ball, this is the heart of the case.
What a lawyer actually does for you
Not every divorce needs a war room. But every divorce involves decisions you’ll live with for a long time, made under stress, often across the table from someone who knows exactly which of your buttons to push.
Good counsel does a few unglamorous things well. We make sure you’re seeing the whole financial picture before you take a position. We tell you which fights are worth having and which ones just burn money. We keep temporary problems from becoming permanent precedents. We put agreements in writing that hold up when life changes. And when the other side won’t be reasonable, we’re built to try the case.
Sun Tzu said the battle is won before it’s fought. In divorce that’s not a metaphor. It’s the disclosure schedule.
Divorce is state-specific
Divorce is state law, top to bottom. Grounds, waiting periods, property rules, support formulas: they all shift at the state line. Pick your state and get the answers built for the court that will actually decide your case. Not sure which state is yours? If you and your spouse live in different states, or the assets do, that question matters more than you’d think. Ask us. We’ll point you the right way.
Straight answers.
How do I know if I’m ready to file for divorce?
Nobody can answer that for you, and be wary of anyone who tries. What we can tell you is this: being informed and being ready are different things, and the first one should come before the second. Understand your finances, your options, and what the process looks like in your state. Then decide. Some people who sit down with us file. Plenty don’t.
How long does a divorce take?
Anywhere from a few months to a couple of years. The drivers are agreement, complexity, and your state’s waiting periods. Uncontested cases with full agreement move fastest. Contested cases with businesses to value or custody to resolve take longer. The single biggest variable is how quickly both sides get honest about the numbers.
What happens to our property?
It gets identified, classified as marital or separate, valued, and divided equitably under your state’s law. Fair, not necessarily equal. The house, the retirement accounts, the business, the debts: all of it goes through that same sequence.
Will I have to go to court?
Probably for a hearing or two. Probably not for a trial. Most cases settle. The ones that don’t usually involve someone hiding information, an unreasonable position, or an issue where the two sides genuinely need a judge to decide.
How are custody decisions made?
By agreement between parents whenever possible, and by a judge applying the best-interests standard when it’s not. Courts look at stability, each parent’s involvement, the child’s needs, and whether the proposed plan actually works in real life. More on our Child Custody page.
Do I need an attorney for a separation or divorce?
You’re not legally required to have one. But divorce is one of the largest financial transactions of your life, layered with the most personal stakes you have. People hire an inspector for a house they’re buying. This is bigger. At minimum, have counsel review anything before you sign it.
What’s the difference between uncontested and contested divorce?
Agreement. Uncontested means you’ve resolved everything and the court approves it. Contested means at least one open issue has to be negotiated, mediated, or decided. Cases move between the two categories more often than people expect.
Let’s talk
Whether you’re certain, undecided, or just tired of not knowing where you stand, the first step is the same: get a clear picture of your situation and your options. That’s what a first conversation with us is for. No pressure. No commitment to file anything.
Brown Carrington helps families across Kentucky, Ohio, Indiana, Colorado, Georgia, and Florida.